Students speak out about sexuality

By Samantha McCoy
St. Albans High School

There’s no clear statistic on the number of homosexuals in America today. Some studies place the figure at 10 percent, others at 1. Still if you take the middle ground - 5 percent - that’s more than 15 million people in America who are gay or lesbian.

Part of the problem with producing a reliable study is that many gay people have yet to come out to others about their sexual orientation.

Coming out, or letting others know that you’re gay, is often difficult for people of any age, but it can be especially hard for teens. Here, two local teens - whose real names have been withheld for their protection - discuss why they chose to come out and what they faced because of their decision.

The first student, Debbie, is bisexual. Currently, she has only come out to her closest friends, she said. Most of her family doesn’t know.

“I was tired of hiding the fact that I’m bi from everyone,” she wrote in an Internet message. “Hiding it made me feel like I was ashamed of it, but I’m not ashamed.”

Coming out has “made me more comfortable with myself,” she added. She is not nervous that others know her sexual orientation because “it’s a part of who I am.”

No longer having to hide a major part of herself from others has made life much easier and more enjoyable, Debbie said. She is now able to be herself around others.

The second student, Robert, is openly gay.

“I chose to come out to be true to myself,” he said in a telephone interview. “I wanted to be honest with myself and also my friends.”

Unlike Debbie, who came out to her friends first, Robert chose to come out to one of his middle school teachers. He said that now everyone in his family except his grandmother knows that he is gay.

“My life is much more positive now because I’ve come out,” Robert said. “I don’t have to hide or pretend to be something I’m really not.”

“The only negative part of this experience is that I’ve lost friends, and many people judge me,” he continued. “Doing this made me realize who my true friends are and who is truly important in my family.”

“I’m happy with who I am.”

Both teens did admit that coming out was somewhat difficult. One of the scariest things about coming out is seeing how friends and family members will react.

“Some of them [my friends and family] were not so OK with it at first, but now they are all OK with it,” Debbie said. “I don’t think they even think about it anymore. I’m still just me to them.”

Robert, on the other hand, has had more struggles with people not accepting his sexuality.

“My first job made me uncomfortable because my boss would constantly make homosexual jokes knowing that I was gay. I’ve also been threatened with violence,” he said. “It only happened on one occasion, but it was still frightening and uncomfortable.”

“So far none of my teachers have really treated me differently,” he added. “In middle school, I had a teacher who also made jokes, and when I approached her about it, she told me that if I didn’t want people to know, then I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Robert also discussed how he deals with daily issues such as using the bathroom or getting dressed for gym class.

“I respect people and don’t want them to feel uncomfortable. That’s why I choose to use the stalls in the men’s restroom at school instead of the urinals,” he said. “I also changed in the corner of the gym locker rooms.”

In the end, choosing whether or not to come out is a very personal decision that only the individual considering it can make. Robert and Debbie are both pleased with their decision, and that’s the most important thing.

“I don’t feel like I have to hide a major part of who I am from everyone anymore,” Debbie said.